I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just had sex on a roof
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
