the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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