I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
