In the future we'll all be gay
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
