I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
