You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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