Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
