she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
