you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
