I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.