Your dad touched me again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
