Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords

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  (734): she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords http://tfl.nu/o43m
  Replies (2) Good night (1362) Bad night (601)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.

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  (724): If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground. (724): Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday. http://tfl.nu/bc8e
  Replies (140) Good night (3058) Bad night (673)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge

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  (814): it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge http://tfl.nu/4szv
  Replies (15) Good night (771) Bad night (3444)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.

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  (+44): At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever. http://tfl.nu/bxy4
  Replies (17) Good night (8545) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.

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  (609): This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/9axz
  Replies (30) Good night (7215) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her

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  (570): you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her http://tfl.nu/jaz5
  Replies (39) Good night (8601) Bad night (1420)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it

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  (973): Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it http://tfl.nu/e8zq
  Replies (6) Good night (3601) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I just found a bag of teeth...

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  (917): I just found a bag of teeth... http://tfl.nu/rg4d
  Replies (18) Good night (1344) Bad night (4726)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.

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  (469): On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/77vq
  Replies (1) Good night (2429) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.

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  (708): he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay. http://tfl.nu/sfnl
  Replies (6) Good night (1251) Bad night (702)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.

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  (763): Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up. (763): I just baked them cookies. We're friends now. http://tfl.nu/27t6
  Replies (10) Good night (2650) Bad night (609)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.

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  (406): Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me. http://tfl.nu/igpq
  Replies (5) Good night (708) Bad night (447)
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  (760): View more from California

  Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box

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  (760): Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box http://tfl.nu/sl6b
  Replies (4) Good night (271) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this

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  (817): There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this http://tfl.nu/hvu0
  Replies (1) Good night (909) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency

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  (805): I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency http://tfl.nu/hlej
  Replies (5) Good night (437) Bad night (418)

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