just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
