The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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