i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
