i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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