This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
