Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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