never play flip cup with pint glasses
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
