my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she smelled like a LAN party
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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