I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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