If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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