Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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