you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
