Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
