can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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