remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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