I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize