Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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