I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
