honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
