the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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