Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
