Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This baby is an asshole
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
