I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
