Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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