Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
