It's Friday. Sex?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
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Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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