some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I could fuck to npr.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
