I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
