Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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