she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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