Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
