none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
