My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
