it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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