i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish you could order shots online.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
