is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
