break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
