She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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