Come see our sink grown plant.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
