he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im about as happy as oj after his trial
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
