atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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