So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
