did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
