I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think my moral compass just broke
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
