I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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