Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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