I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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