Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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