so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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