You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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