Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
