I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
